July 28, 2015

queen of colors

A week filled with the most different sorts of light; from rather poetic summer evenings in the kitchen, to a grey and windy Sunday, up to the bright lamps in the studio. I have enjoyed them all. Every single one having a different purpose, they have made smile and feeling content. Life in the Fishbowl is good right now.

I am wishing, for you and for me, for another fine week coming up. As fine as the last one. And I will definitely have some more melons over the next days. Is there anything speaking more summer to you, but melons? Tell me your secret, or not so secret, summer pleasures.

July 26, 2015

she knows her heart

She is falling in love. With everyone. For at least a few seconds. Just long enough, before they make eye contact with her. Or before, they're turning around the next corner. Then she will miss that lost chancec and will drink from it. For a little while. To calm down her always so restless heart. The heart she knows so well.

This painting (40x40cm, oil on canvas) is FOR SALE.
All inquiries are most welcome under mail@anntonbeateschmidt.com.

July 21, 2015

queen of colors

money soaps by annton beate schmidt

After having a lot to say yesterday, today is much more about images and less words. And about my new favourite color.

For a while already, I am all into yellow. Flowers, dresses and even furniture; a good dose of yellow always helps. So, I was pretty happy, to find at least some pinches of it, in last week's images. There were the former white, turned into an aged ocher Moneysoaps, that I did find in a box while cleaning the studio. I ate, and this has been the first time in a million years, three bags of popping candy. Let's not talk about its ingredients, but it was still a fun little sensation. And Emma, she is so happy to be able to rock that ball again. Her paw has healed, the doc got the stitches out yesterday, and from tomorrow on, it will be us back on long walks. I can't wait, to be honest.

So right now, things are looking pretty bright. I wish you lots of yellow over the week as well. Be it the sun or a happy dress. Enjoy it!

July 20, 2015

on schedules and lists

Dear readers, you have probably noted it all along, over the last weeks I have been falling out of my usual blog schedules, over and over again. And it is not like there is nothing happening around the Fishbowl. Actually, on the contrary. But believe me, the blogposts are only one indicator for my weeks feeling totally out of schedule. Lists, that had been planned out perfectly, will wait on my desk forever and I am having a hard time to tick them off. Even bit by bit. When the week is coming to an end, at least half of it still sits on the paper untouched and needs to be rewritten onto another week's list. And this is going on for at least a month now. Every single week. Bugger that. At the beginning, I must have simply overlooked this lack of consistency, as in too-much-to-do. And in too-much-going-on as well. And it is true, a lot of unexpected stuff came up lately. From not so daily grinds, like the broken washing machine or Emma cutting her paw and catching an ugly infection, so there was an operation needed (*she is much better by the way), to sudden opportunities, stitting there to catch right now and then. Or never. Of course, I have caught them. And though I was doing a lot of things, even worked a good share on painting, the more days did pass, the more I felt totally disconnected from those lists and routines. It frustrated me so much, I've started to disguise my friends, the lists. And was quite tempted to not look at them at all. What sense does it make to write them after all, when by the end of the day, they will stay untouched? Why force myself, when not capable of doing my job? You hear, a kind of bitter taste crawled into my thoughts, as I couldn't understand why things where so unpleasantly upside down. When on the other hand, so much good stuff had happened. Remember the meeting I had been invited to, and which already lead to new invitiations. Actually, something to celebrate more than anything else. Silly me got more and more miserable. And I freaked out a little more, after every day that had went without a preditable routine.

And then came yesterday; a Sunday with so much heavy rain and grey skies, my usually buzzing hood got incedible silent. Thing suddenly got on hold, simply because the weather had stopped everybody in their tracks. Almost nobody passed the studio windows and there was nothing else to do, but to adjust to the silence. And with this came a change, something I hadn't planned or scheduled at all. An unexpected break. A deep breath. The sound of the rain falling down and the incredibly fresh smell of the air, just cleared the later. And my sceptical mind. Without actually doing something, it was all good. Sounds a bit daft, I know, but it was exactly what did happen. 

By the moment the sun came back in the afternoon, I was able to let it go. I had a friend over for coffee and cake and at night, the husband and I spent hours in the kitchen, talking about all the ups and downs lately. And how we do feel with them. Life is not like we've predicted it sometimes and the fact, that there had been so much on the plate, doesn't mean I am not able to follow my own rules. Hell no. And it also doesn't mean, that the idea of lists is a crappy one. I still find them incredible helpful and will go on writing and trying to stick to them, because most of the time they'll keep me centered and focused. They help me to visualize and to pursue my goals and ideas, from a rather grounded place than getting lost in the twist and turns of my almost never silent mind. 

And here we are, it is Monday and there is a new list waiting to be conquered. I am feeling good and excited to do so.   


July 14, 2015

queen of colors

While uploading these images, I actually had to laugh. Being busy, once again. Having a week completely out of schedule. Once again. And not really a change in sight. There were more meetings according to the new ride, late night office work, a last minute application for a scholarship, some painting hours, but way too little, and people far too intense for me lately. Berlin seems to explode with them these days. Or is it just me, looking a little too close. I don't know and it is all right I guess.

Then again, the ride is finally fixed and I can start getting used to it. We went to a lovely party in the hood, with great people and good conversations. I have received a wonderful note from the Ukraine (If the sender is reading this, he might just laugh at me as well. But hey, I am just very grateful for having you in my life. Eat that.) And, life can never really be rough, as long as your neighbors will bring you chocolate fishes. Simply because, they want to.

So, let's wait and see, what this week is having in store. And by the way, I love that rainy weather. Don't shoot me. I wish you many great adventures over the next days. And lots of loving, baby.

July 10, 2015

the round table

Last Friday, I have been invited to attend a pretty interesting meeting. The round table on culture and inclusion at the office of the Federal Government Representative for Culture and Media. Sounds already impressive, right? And believe me, that has been exactly, how it felt like.

A couple of weeks ago, a colleague had sent me a note about such a meeting, basically saying, they were looking for artists with a disability. Usually this disabled thing isn't something, I would put my main focus on. It is simply one of the many different pieces, of the person that I am. No more, no less. And so, I went thinking about the note for several days, not sure if it would be right to jump in or rather stay in the studio and paint. The husband finally pushed me over the edge, reminding me how often I had been angry lately, about politics and especially about the way Germany is not handling the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities very well. To be honest, we might have to say, my country hasn't handled them at all.

So, finally I've decided to give it a chance and sent out an email.

Only minutes later, the phone rang and a nice lady told me, they would be very pleased to welcome me at their table. I was pretty thrilled, when minutes later, I was starting to regret my move forward. During the following conversation with that lady, it occured to me, how difficult the meeting would going to be. Many different perspectives, even more opinions, let alone interests about money and funds. It wasn't at all like I would meet twenty people with a broad smile on their face. Some of them even believed, the idea to actually include artists with a disability, would lower the professional level and could end in sobby stories alone.

You've probably guessed, I was infuriated, as who else could be the most perfect expert, but the people who live the life of an artist with a disability. And what did they mean, with less professional after all? I couldn't believe what I had to listen to. And I was very close to chicken out. Very close. 

After another two days and even more complicated positions made clear, this time in form of quite insulting emails, I was finally able to let it go. And surprisingly, to find a calm spot to focus on. None of them knew me yet, I didn't know them either. It would have been just plain silly to come up with a final verdict, without at least trying to convince them otherwhise and to tell them what I had to say.  

When Friday arrived, I was all fine. It was incredibly hot that day, which appeared to be much more of a hustle then anything else. Therefore I did concentrate on enough water, on fruits in my bag and I did enjoy the ride to the meeting, with the windows of my brown beast rolled down. Listening to loud music. When I've arrived at the place, the first thing I did find out, and hey we're talking government building, they didn't have a disability parking spot (they'll get one now. strike!), but the atmosphere, when finally entering the conference room, was really friendly and nice. Everybody personally greeted one another with a hand shake and we took place around an endless table, after sharing water and pouring coffee for each other. That kind of atmosphere.

You would have probably laughed a little, when I did start talking during the short round of introduction: "My name is Annton Beate Schmidt, I am a fine artist with no institutionell background. And I am here for myself." (Most of the others came from huge organisations, from political parties, universities or charity clubs. And apart from me, there really was only one other artist with a disability). The people around me at least did, they'd looked up in short astonishment. I might have sounded a bit funny, but it helped to gain all the confindence that was needed and to make it absolutely clear, from where I was coming from. From that moment on, I felt totally free to say whatever came into my mind, I took a stand on all the positions I believed to be important, even respectfully argued with the government representatives. 

Something really important had clicked in my the back of my mind suddenly, something I've always had known rationally, but this time I did actually feel it as well; it was absolutely not important how I would appear or what the others might think about me, as long as it felt, like I was sticking to the person that I am and as long as I would keep things authentic. That and no other rule was there to follow.

And tell you what, at the end of the day, I was invited to become an official member of the round table from now on. How is that for a reward?! 


July 07, 2015

queen of colors

As promised, I am back. And to be honest, it didn't feel like real absence after all. On the other hand, so much has happened since last Tuesday, it might have been as well weeks. First of all, the big day, last Friday, things went good. Very good, in fact. I will tell you all the details in an entire post on Thursday, if you are interested. Just so much, I was able to accomplish everything I was aiming for. And a little more. So, this has been a great experience.

Other than that, life in the Fishbowl is still a bit crazy. We have lost our washing machine, only days after our oven broke down, we have been listening to some heartbreaking stories around the hood, received a huge dose of love from others and unfortunately, last but not least, Emma had to have a sudden operation today. She obviously cut her paw a while ago, the vet reckons a week or ten days, and she didn't 'say' a thing. Today we've noticed, she was licking herself intensively and found some serious inflammation between her claws. The rest was anesthesia and a knocked out dog. Come tomorrow, she will be a lot better and be running again in no time, but today the exhausted blonde bundle, curled up silently on the studio couch, simply brings me to tears.

Therefore, the husband and I will need a big bowl of pasta tonight and a big glass of red wine. And Emma between us, to cuddle her.

I'll see you on Thursday. Until then, take even more of this delicious summer in.