March 31, 2012

"highway love"

I have touched the highway. In fact, the Autobahn, somewhere between the south of Germany and Berlin. Call me ridiculous, but this had been in the back of my mind forever. Everytime I got stuck in some heavy traffic jam, I was intrigued to do so. It simply never happened. A place we usually don't get close to, a construction that is so familiar and still that far. With the perfect weather over last week, the tar was warm and felt very inviting under my palms. Like a request to come back, a promise to be traveling more often. Today it is nasty outside and I plan to stay on the couch. Dreaming of friendly destinations and some time on the roll. To a relaxed weekend,  making happy plans.

March 30, 2012

"back, but forward"

Revisiting places from a long time ago, spaces that had a huge meaning to our childhood, can come out quite differently. We all probably remember that huge place, we have been living in as kids and suddenly, as grown-ups, we'll come back and all that spacious feeling shrinks down to a tiny appartment. Or that exciting playground, we have loved to go to and where so many adventures have been survived. Some tired swings and a sad old sandpit is all we'll find today. Maybe things simply have changed, maybe it is only a change of perspectives. Still, it is not possible to turn back time. Then there are those places, we return to and suddenly it hits the mind, how much good stuff has happened since then. They might have been dark spaces or scary ones even, but confronted with our current lifes, there is nothing of that left. Strength is what stays with us and the knockledge that we have come a long way. Growing, smiling, changing into the person we are today. Maybe we have shared the same roots, we have chosen our own paths too. Building up, away from where we've started.

"stepping aside"

Even a little business trip can turn into some kind of holiday, when staying with beloved family. Though the days were filled with appointments and everybody was running around like crazy, the nights became more quiet and there was still time for the first fire of the year, good meals and lots of light. We're almost back in the Fishbowl, just a pinch of road dust in our hair and a tiny dose of resistance, to dive back into routines in our bones. Traveling is a matter of minds, not of distance.

March 24, 2012

"sorting out"

Something I have always found difficult, actually refuse to do, is to pigeonhole me as an artist in any way. Painting and drawing, as much as creating EnvironmentInstallations is, what is going on in the Fishbowl for a long time already. What others might call a balancing act, works out just fine for me. The different methods and perspectives usually stimulate each other and when stuck within a dead end street, there is always a chance to step back and focus on something else. It does become tricky in moments, when it is necessary to present my work. The wide range of all the bits and pieces can, for example while creating a portfolio, make the work appear blurry and not specific enough. Currently on an intensive search for art dealers and galleries to represent my work overseas, I am not sure if it is smart to split professions and approach distinct dealers for distinct pieces, or show them the complete range. What are your thoughts on it? While researching and sorting out adresses, I am kind of stuck around this question and seem not to be moving forward. A little kicking and pushing would be highly appreciated.

P.S. Thank you for all the good wishes and nice comments according to Emma. The little queen is much better already. A little bored in fact, as she is not allowed to chase and run yet. Have a wonderful weekend, take in all the sunlight and the smiles.

March 21, 2012

"picture me"

Most of the time you will find everything, but an awful lot of pictures with my face around the Fishbowl. When receiving those pictures in the mail today, I thought it might be nice to give you a tiny idea who's actually behind all these stories. The pics have been shot for an interview by a former colleague from university. Bernd Wannenmacher. Back in the days, we have been studying Theatres, Film and Television Science together. Now look what has come out of it. Thank you so much, Bernd.

March 20, 2012

"ideas of tomorrow"

With Emma recovering from surgery and piles of mail and books to works through, there is not a lot of noisy or exciting stuff going on in the Fishbowl. Moving deep inside, holding some breath and enjoying a studio flooded with spring light, I cannot wait to go back to painting by tomorrow. It is all a matter of balance and of taking some things as they come. If only I would believe myself such, just a little bit more often. For today it does work. Another season has arrived.

March 15, 2012

"a is for flower"

After a week filled with laughter, love and celebrations it is a tiny bit hard to get back on track. Today, still a bit birthday hung over, there are all those amazing presents sitting at my desk and a smile all over my face. Thank you for a wonderful night, my dear friends and loved ones.

March 12, 2012

"ten years and ahead"

Today the husband and I are celebrating our ten year anniversary. Waking up to grey skies and rain this morning, it did make things look much brighter and warmer than the outside was suggesting. With the first coffee close at hand, I found myself sitting at the desk in the Fishbowl, remembering that stormy day in New Zealand. A bus, a drunken photographer and witnesses we had only known for the blink of an eye. I think about all those years, about small and rather important stories. I know, how we have struggled and how we have laughed so hard. I still believe we are meant to be, as I did from the first moment on. There is a strong connection between the two of us and even more love. And there are intense arguments. Take two strong minded heads and tons of energy, and you will get some propper noise. There is no other face, I want to wake up to in the morning and no other soul, that I can imagine to conquer unknown adventures with. I have no idea what kind of roads I will travel next, but I definitely want to travel them together. Thank you life, for providing me with what is needed and thank you husband, for being who you are.

March 11, 2012

"homesickness reversed"

Home can come im many different shapes, in unexpected places or faces we have never seen before. Home can be naked toes firmly planted on some stone floor. In the middle of Berlin. And home can remind us, of where we should go from here.

March 10, 2012

"on how to rock on"

The light outside is still grey, there is rain too, and inside the Fishbowl things have not become any faster. I am still working on the big painting, but the mood has changed quite a bit. Like every friday, we had Open Studio time yesterday and with nice visitors coming around, good coffee and cookies, I feel much more inspired to go on from here. As we all know, it is the little things that can completely change the picture. With a some Pacific light planned for tonight and two celebrations in store for next week, I am definitely looking forward to rock on. Ka Pīrangi koe ki te kanikani tahi tāua?*

*Māori for: Would you like to dance with me?

March 08, 2012

"a state of almost"

The most exciting thing, that has happened today so far, was a little lunch mess in the kitchen. An hour ago. Besides that, nothing really special is on the agenda for the Fishbowl. There is a lot of painting, a bit of office work, some more painting. It is raining outside, a grey pre-spring day, and even the dog is bored. Working on bigger sized paintings can have such an effect on me. You work and work, but by the end of the day, the result of all the effort, feels minor and insignificant. Of course, this is what we call routine and it is part of the deal, but once in a while I cannot handle it very well. My chronic impatience makes it quite tricky to get through these phases. Could someone send me a little firework, please. Or any other beautiful distraction.

March 04, 2012

"casual ideas on coincidences"

Recently I was asked, if I believe in things happening for a reason. It depends on the occasion, I guess. Great stuff, will problably land in a box labeled "well deserved" or "luck". On the other hand, when something gets tricky or I have to handle a little bit of a set-back, it makes it easier to assume a bigger picture around it. That, sooner or later, some secret will be revealed. Something that explain why things didn't work out. Silly kitchen philosophy, taking the best out of every possible interpretation. What I do strongly believe in though, is that making art and every day life are much stronger connected than most of us would admit. At least that is what I see, when looking at this weekend's studio pics. Besides a good dose of mustard, there had been a lot of sleep, silence and reading. This could go on a little longer, if you'd ask me, but the week annouces itself to become rather busy and fully packed. For now, to a good and easy Sunday night. Maybe some more mustard.

March 01, 2012

"on slammed doors & a gust of wind"

Yesterday the funding for one of my summer projects has been rejected. When opening the letter and reading the text, it really hit me. I actually had taken this funding for granted and believed it would be an easy task to get it. As it worked out perfectly last year, there seemed to be no reason, why it should be any different this time. One can be completely wrong, it turned out. Of course, such things are not that seldom when you work as an artist and it is always some kind of struggle to get enough money for several projects. Not to talk about earning steady money to live from it. There are times, when things get in to a flow and others, when you have to try over and over again. Still, this rejection was so unexpected, for most of the day I was really disapointed and down. Even when the husband came home late at night, I still couldn't adjust to the new situation and to be honest, some tears have been involved too. Then, while telling him what has happened, something started changing though. The original idea was to create a big food installation during one of the art festivals, that are taking place in the area around the Fishbowl regulary. The more we talked about the loss of the base for it, the more my disapointment turned into a sceptical view onto the project itself. Or more, on how I had planned to archive it. Suddenly it seemed the wrong place, the wrong background, simply the wrong way to launch such a beautiful concept. I still am strongly convinced on what I was planning, but today I started to search for other possibilitiesand  for new places. I made a lot of research and talked to some people. Everything is far from being there, but it already feels so much better. Now, that the concept is shifted away from a festival that simply wouldn't fit, everything seems clear and starts falling into places. Sometimes, to conduct something truly sucessful, we need to step back. Sometimes, we need to protect our creative babies and start all over again.